Have things become a little too vanilla and you’re now ready to try something new? Got a kink that you want to explore but not sure how to do it? Our beginner’s guide to the world of BDSM will talk you through the basics and give you everything you need to know to get a little more adventurous. Let the games begin!
What does BDSM mean?
BDSM stands for Bondage, Dominance, and Sadomasochism and it’s a completely safe way to get more adventurous in the bedroom. BDSM is one of the most popular consensual fetishes out there and it has been growing in popularity for years.
Ever seen videos with handcuffs, ropes, and blindfolds being used? That’s BDSM and it’s a lot more common than you might think. Let’s take a closer look at the key parts of a BDSM experience:
- Bondage is where you use ropes, cuffs, and anything else you fancy to restrain your partner during sex
- Dominance is where you exert power and control in a sexual way to let your partner know that you’re the one in charge
- Submission is where one of you is willingly dominated and chooses to follow orders in the bedroom
- Sadomasochism is where you humiliate and hurt your partner in a way that is safe and consensual at all ties
The key here is that you both need to be on the same page when it comes to the limits you’re going to take things to. You might want to go for something quite mild and gentle to begin with so that you can ease yourself into it and then test the limits another day. Regardless of where you set the limit, it’s fine as long as you both feel comfortable in your dominant and submissive roles.
How can you enjoy safe BDSM?
Good question! Safety is paramount if you’re tying each other up and testing the limits of your pain tolerances. To make sure you both get the best experience possible, we recommend three simple steps:
- Negotiate the limits of your kink session before you get busy and you’ll find that you both know where the line is and never risk stepping over it
- Communicate clearly and each have a safe word that means everything stops as soon as it is spoken
- Replicate a simple traffic light system where you can go ahead, slow down, or stop if things are getting a little out of hand
You might think this last point is going to remove a lot of the spontaneity from the experience but you’ll find that the opposite is the case. Being able to feel like you can talk to your partner and guide them through the experience, even if they are in a dominating role, is really empowering. With a little bit of open and honest conversation before you start, you’ll be able to get so much more out of your BDSM session.
What does light BDSM look like?
If you like what you’ve read so far and want to make your first venture into this exciting new world of pleasure, you’ve landed in the right place. Light BDSM includes things like hair pulling, gentle spanking, and being blindfolded while you’re tied up with a soft scarf or tie.
By starting light and going easy to begin with, you can build your confidence and explore your tolerances. Work on it together and you soon find that you really push the boundaries and take your kink to new places if that’s how your mood takes you.
Light BDSM can include gentle spanking, hair pulling, light restraints, blindfolds and toys
Exploring more advanced types of BDSM
The more confidence and experience you gain the more you will want to push the boundaries and achieve new heights of pleasure. Here are a few ways experienced BDSM couples keep the spark alive:
- Breath play involves holding your breath or light choking to try and trigger feelings of euphoria when the air floods back into the lungs
- Dungeon role play involves setting up a dedicated space in which to explore BDSM outside of the bedroom
- Edge play is all about going right to the edge of your comfort zone and is something that is best saved until you have built up a lot of experience
- Impact play takes gentle spanking to a whole new level by caning or whipping your partner to heighten their sense of arousal
When you’re pushing the boundaries like this, make sure you know your partner’s hard limit. If they have told you that there are certain things they will not do under any circumstances, respect their wishes no matter how intense things get. If you’re worried about being too vanilla and think they may change their mind, speak about it afterwards, don’t just take over without consent.
Enjoy BDSM for the first time
Feeling ready to push the boundaries and wave farewell to vanilla sex sessions in the bedroom? Here are our top tips for making sure that you enjoy your first taste of BDSM:
- Be open about what you want to get out of the experience and make sure that your partner understands what you are hoping for. Being on the same page like this is essential
- Be respectful of the limits that were discussed beforehand and don’t try to push or pressure your partner to go further or faster than they feel comfortable with. Consent is everything in the BDSM world
- Be attentive to your partner’s needs during your first BDSM experience together. If they are giving signs of discomfort that you are finding how to read, remind them about the traffic light system and give them a chance to change course if they want to
- Be safe and don’t do anything that is going to cause injury or put the health of you and your partner at risk. Discussing the strength of any restraints, or the extent of any breath play, beforehand is really important
Now that you’ve read our guide, it’s over to you to explore a whole new world of pleasure with your partner. Enjoy!
