BDSM is all about pushing boundaries and getting experimental, but doing so in a way that feels safe and secure at all times. Safe words and signals are all about ensuring consent is given and everyone involved feels heard and listened to.
Everyone will have their own limits which is why having a set of BDSM safe words agreed in advance truly matters. As you explore kinks such as domination, submission, or spanking, you need to know that your partner can tell you when enough is enough. A safe word is like an extra layer of protection that ensures you both enjoy every minute of the experience.
Understanding Safe Words
BDSM consent can be greatly simplified with a set of agreed upon safe words. A phrase that is memorable and easy to say in the heat of the moment is the perfect way to call a pause to even the most intense activities.
When exploring new kinks like Domination or Submission, many couples choose to follow the traffic light method. Red means stop, green means carry on, and yellow means you need to slow down and take a step back.
While it might be tempting to think that safe signals in BDSM can be as simple as “stop” or “no”, you would be surprised how often these words are needed in other ways. They are very common in role-play where one partner is completely submissive to the other. If you would like to learn more about these types of power dynamics, take a look at our new guide, What is BDSM?
Non-Verbal Signals for Complex Scenarios
Anyone who wants to experiment with more niche fetishes like a Foot Fetish or PVC Fetish will want to pay attention to this section. Restrictive outfits and the use of gags can make verbal communication impractical, so a different approach is required to make sure the experience remains consensual.
If one of you goes into a deep state of subspace where you become trance-like (don’t worry, this is very common in BDSM) you may need to use other signals:
- Hand signals: A pre-agreed number of taps or a unique hand gesture can be used to call a halt to the action.
- Moving an object: Dropping a ball or ringing a bell is a quick and easy way to attract attention and pause.
- Humming or whistling: When it’s not possible to speak you may want to agree on a particular tune.
While non-verbal BDSM signals represent the more extreme end of the spectrum, there are plenty of kinks where you can use standard safe words.
Implementing Safe Words in Spanking
One of the most popular kinks is Spanking and it’s one where safe words play a very important role. As the intensity of the spanking increases you will quickly approach your pain threshold. To make sure that the experience remains enjoyable for both of you, make sure to check in with the submissive partner just in case they have become unable to say the safe word out loud. You may also want to agree to a series of taps that they can use to stop the spanking if they are unable to speak for any reason.
Customising Safe Words to Your Scene
If you find the traffic light system a little boring or vanilla, why not try your own personalised safe words? Make sure they are easy to say and truly memorable and they will be another way you can express yourselves in the bedroom. The key is to make sure that both of you agree on the choice of words and that you promise to stick to them.
Changing words and phrases too often could result in a blurring of the boundaries, that’s why we feel it’s always best to stick with a set of words you feel comfortable with. The more you use them the more they will feel like second nature when you need to slow things down.
Conclusion
BDSM safe words can sound like a buzz kill that gets in the way when you are pushing the boundaries, but that’s really to miss the point. A pre-agreed safe word is about building trust, respecting one another, and ensuring consent as you explore new realms of pleasure.
If you think of your choice of safe word as a way to keep you and your partner safe while you have fun, you won’t feel like it is getting in the way. A memorable safe word can even heighten the tension because you know exactly where the limits and boundaries are at all times.
